today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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