I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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