I want to walk on stilts...naked
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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