Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
