Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
