70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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