I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize