the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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