My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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