god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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