you guys were way drunker than both of me
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
This house was built for laser tag.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Randomize
