if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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