i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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