dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize