remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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