well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
