Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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