absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
