nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
