almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
