Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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