Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
