why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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