she was so not down for the gang bang
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
