I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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