The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
