careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
