I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
