No stitches, just platelets and will power
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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