And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
