I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
