I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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