I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize