i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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