You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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