I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
