Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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