areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
