lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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