i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
