i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
