Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
