Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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