the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
