just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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