I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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