i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
