Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
