mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize