Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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