i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
