i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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