Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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