Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize