I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
