they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize