Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
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