you have to choose: penises or morals?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
