even my farts smell like vagina
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize