shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
