i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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