all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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