like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
