...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
