Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize
