Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
