Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize