I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
