Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
