I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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